Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
Randomize