I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
Randomize
