she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
Randomize
