I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
Randomize
