I think my vagina is haunted
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Randomize
