Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
