Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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