i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
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