She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
Randomize
