Porn is love you can see.
my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
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