I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
Randomize
