help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
Regardless of the degree, it's probably not good to relate so closely to the Steve-O documentary.
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
Randomize
