Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
Randomize
