Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
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