I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
Who did Billy Mays play for?
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
Randomize
