I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
Randomize
