I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
Randomize
