There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
Randomize
