Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
Randomize
