so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
Randomize
