I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
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