seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
Randomize
