Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
wakey wakey hands off snakey
I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
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