I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
