and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
Randomize
