She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
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