Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
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