So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
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