The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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