My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
Randomize
