I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
Randomize
