Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
