I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
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