You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Randomize
