marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
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