# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
Randomize
