Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
There was a lot of him and a little penis
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
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