How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
Randomize
