i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
