I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
I lost the right to judge tonight
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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