ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
Randomize
