If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
