and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
