You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Randomize
