I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
Randomize
