I wannas sexs uuuuu
Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
Randomize
