STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
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