I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
even my farts smell like vagina
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
Randomize
