when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
Randomize
