So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
Walk of Shame. In a state park.
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
Randomize