I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
Randomize
