laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
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