I think I am morally bankrupt
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
Randomize
