This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
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