So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
