I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
Randomize
