Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
Randomize
