This girl is more easily done than said...
Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
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