I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
well most of my day revolves around power hour
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
Randomize
