So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
