he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
the night ended with taco bell and tears
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
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