Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
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