I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
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