yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
Randomize
