Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
I wear drunk well.
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
Randomize
