So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
how do you spell 'special'? like slow?
S P E L L C H E C K
No you dumbass thats not right
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize
