I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
Randomize
