I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
Randomize
