gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
We should be called the Road Head Warriors
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
You may now shotgun with the bride
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
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