K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
Randomize
