just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize
