where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
Randomize
